Hey kiddos, Shahrabi said I could join on this train so here I am. If there's one thing webcomic creators hate more than unbridled hatred towards their creations, it's polite and constructive critique. So instead of doing either of those things, I'm going to give everybody whom Shahrabi writes about a single, simple tip each on how to easily improve their webcomic. Simple and easy means it'll take practically no time for me to write and you to possibly enact. Which would be nice, since I doubt you're just going to take Shahrabi's advice and delete everything.
Okay here we go.
Tealya: Use thinner lines when drawing your comic - it won't take much effort but it'll make a huge difference in the final product. Also, try fiddling around with using deeper shadows, to make your characters look more 3-dimensional. And never forget where your light source is.
Aakashi: god there's so much wrong with your art that I Use thinner lines too! Especially for the eyes - remember that facial features generally use thinner lines than body outlines and stuff. And maybe put in more detail into your backgrounds so they don't get lost behind the characters.
Wraith: Make sure you give each character their own voice - right now it seems each character merely exists to deliver some sort of weak punchline. Honestly, I have no idea what sort of person your main character is, let alone the others. It all seems to blend depending on the situation.
Not like any of those guys read it, but you know, whatever. Maybe somebody else can get some knowings outta this.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Yang Child
Now, my original plan was to write up New World for being a horrible excuse for a shitty comic, but Merry Christmas to me, Tolka finally realised this to be true and got rid of his comic all by hisself. Huzzah. So I've picked another target for the day, Tealya's Yang Child..
Just like MSF High, first impressions are incredibly irritating, as you are shown a ridiculously large banner proclaiming the comic's name (and probably some ads - I have adblock, but there's lots of empty space above said banner), and an incredibly ugly set of navigation buttons, enclosed in a table layout. Hey, at least they aren't as ugly as the buttons she uses for navigation between comics. Oh, and so you don't have to go looking for it, here is the ugliest and most unnecessary page on her website - a hideous dark yellow and green page which reads "under construction".
Now we're done lampooning Tealya (the furry)'s dreadful website, let's take a look at just why her comic is the worst thing. Now, I'm probably not meant to tell you this, but Yang Child is so bad that it was once featured on Portal of Evil.
Anyway, let's start with the obvious fact that Tealya's webcomic is a generic shitty fantasy-style shitfest. What's the story? Well, have I got an extremely original surprise for you! Yang Child is about two wobbly-headed animu-style girls who had a tragic past and are now travelling by their lonesome also one of them is magical and may possibly be an earthly avatar of the great goddess and one of them is manly. Then we've got their cuddly mascot characters, dragons who were turned into cats by some magic or another for whatever reason. And of course you've got your shadowy figure that follows them around for some reason and "hmmms" a lot. Then there's also your generic hamfisted social commentary! About the wimminz and about theblacks WOOD-ELVES!
I guess the main complaint about Yang Child's "story" is its incredible sameness. It just falls so easily into the pile of mediocre that it's offputting. And the pacing, urgh, it feels like nothing is ever going anywhere, and when you read through the whole archives - all four and a half years - you find that it actually hasn't gotten anywhere. I'd like the moments of my life I wasted reading this to be returned, but I know it ain't happening, so now I'm just mad. With Tealya's atrocious storytelling style, coupled with Tealya's atrocious art, it all goes by so slowly.
Wanna see a good way not to pace a story? Here's an idea: if you want to show your main character's tragic backstory and for your readers to care about it, don't shove all of into a giant text wall across a crappy picture of photoshop-brushed grass. Mm-hmm. Here's another one about creating characters for your readers to identify with: You do not want to craft them to look like something straight out of the Uncanny valley.
And boy howdy, I thought the layout of Tealya's website was bad, but that ain't shit compared to the layout of her comic. I have yet another tip: if you needing arrows to show the cell order of a comic, it's a pretty good tell that you should redo the layout of that comic. Of course, that is narrowly better than hearing in ridiculous detail about how a main character shot a bandit in the shoe (not the foot). Or an epic swordfight that lasted for a week which consisted entirely of two sword-tips wiggling at one another. Epic stuff. I will say this though. Tealya is one step ahead of fucking MSF High - when she says she'll update twice weekly she bloody well will, or leave bad excuses. When Wraith and Aakashi say they'll update MSF High thrice weekly and beg you for your money, well... I think they updated once this December, right?
And while we're on the art, oh god the art, I'll yet again rave madly about how stupid weeaboo comics with an art "style" based on really cheap anime is the worst thing. Well now children, would you like to see stunning examples of how not to draw facial profiles?! Of course you would, that's why you read webcomics! Here's Tealya's old profiles, a sort of middle-aged mouthflappy profile, and one of her most recent profiles. Somehow, over four years, she's managed to make them all suck in entirely different ways! Congratulations, Tealya! You fail!
But, you know what really brings a distinguished storytelling style into light? Art that really shines with the movement of the characters! That ain't what we got here. We do have some seriously funny shit though, thanks Tealya. 1st panel, 2nd funniest pose ever. 2nd panel, 1st funniest pose ever. I honestly don't know how to explain it any clearer than that. But it is probably the worst thing. Along with the ridiculously ugly fonts that Tealya insists on using for her characters. NO, Tealya. Those fonts AREN'T for comics. DON'T use them mm'kay.
I'm just about all ranted out, so I'll leave you with this unnecessarilly naked 15 year old, care of Tealya the furry, whose webcomic (one of two she makes) is the worst thing.
Just like MSF High, first impressions are incredibly irritating, as you are shown a ridiculously large banner proclaiming the comic's name (and probably some ads - I have adblock, but there's lots of empty space above said banner), and an incredibly ugly set of navigation buttons, enclosed in a table layout. Hey, at least they aren't as ugly as the buttons she uses for navigation between comics. Oh, and so you don't have to go looking for it, here is the ugliest and most unnecessary page on her website - a hideous dark yellow and green page which reads "under construction".
Now we're done lampooning Tealya (the furry)'s dreadful website, let's take a look at just why her comic is the worst thing. Now, I'm probably not meant to tell you this, but Yang Child is so bad that it was once featured on Portal of Evil.
Anyway, let's start with the obvious fact that Tealya's webcomic is a generic shitty fantasy-style shitfest. What's the story? Well, have I got an extremely original surprise for you! Yang Child is about two wobbly-headed animu-style girls who had a tragic past and are now travelling by their lonesome also one of them is magical and may possibly be an earthly avatar of the great goddess and one of them is manly. Then we've got their cuddly mascot characters, dragons who were turned into cats by some magic or another for whatever reason. And of course you've got your shadowy figure that follows them around for some reason and "hmmms" a lot. Then there's also your generic hamfisted social commentary! About the wimminz and about the
I guess the main complaint about Yang Child's "story" is its incredible sameness. It just falls so easily into the pile of mediocre that it's offputting. And the pacing, urgh, it feels like nothing is ever going anywhere, and when you read through the whole archives - all four and a half years - you find that it actually hasn't gotten anywhere. I'd like the moments of my life I wasted reading this to be returned, but I know it ain't happening, so now I'm just mad. With Tealya's atrocious storytelling style, coupled with Tealya's atrocious art, it all goes by so slowly.
Wanna see a good way not to pace a story? Here's an idea: if you want to show your main character's tragic backstory and for your readers to care about it, don't shove all of into a giant text wall across a crappy picture of photoshop-brushed grass. Mm-hmm. Here's another one about creating characters for your readers to identify with: You do not want to craft them to look like something straight out of the Uncanny valley.
And boy howdy, I thought the layout of Tealya's website was bad, but that ain't shit compared to the layout of her comic. I have yet another tip: if you needing arrows to show the cell order of a comic, it's a pretty good tell that you should redo the layout of that comic. Of course, that is narrowly better than hearing in ridiculous detail about how a main character shot a bandit in the shoe (not the foot). Or an epic swordfight that lasted for a week which consisted entirely of two sword-tips wiggling at one another. Epic stuff. I will say this though. Tealya is one step ahead of fucking MSF High - when she says she'll update twice weekly she bloody well will, or leave bad excuses. When Wraith and Aakashi say they'll update MSF High thrice weekly and beg you for your money, well... I think they updated once this December, right?
And while we're on the art, oh god the art, I'll yet again rave madly about how stupid weeaboo comics with an art "style" based on really cheap anime is the worst thing. Well now children, would you like to see stunning examples of how not to draw facial profiles?! Of course you would, that's why you read webcomics! Here's Tealya's old profiles, a sort of middle-aged mouthflappy profile, and one of her most recent profiles. Somehow, over four years, she's managed to make them all suck in entirely different ways! Congratulations, Tealya! You fail!
But, you know what really brings a distinguished storytelling style into light? Art that really shines with the movement of the characters! That ain't what we got here. We do have some seriously funny shit though, thanks Tealya. 1st panel, 2nd funniest pose ever. 2nd panel, 1st funniest pose ever. I honestly don't know how to explain it any clearer than that. But it is probably the worst thing. Along with the ridiculously ugly fonts that Tealya insists on using for her characters. NO, Tealya. Those fonts AREN'T for comics. DON'T use them mm'kay.
I'm just about all ranted out, so I'll leave you with this unnecessarilly naked 15 year old, care of Tealya the furry, whose webcomic (one of two she makes) is the worst thing.
Friday, December 21, 2007
MSF High
So, we need to start this blog on a high note, hmm? Actually, I have a rather large list of rather horrendous webcomics that I'd like to get through. Some of them are more popular than others. Some of them are more the worst than others. But let's start with one that I've hated for quite some time.
MSF High.
This is going to be a really fucking long review. Just thinking about these faggots boils my blood. We've got a lot to cover; Hideous website, hideous comic, and as a bonus, hilarious weeaboo dramarama!
Now apparently "MSF" stands for "Mahou no Seraa Fuku". Mmm-hmm. Now I'm no weeaboo, but I believe that roughly translates to "Magical Sailor Uniform". So the actual name of this comic is "Magical Sailor Uniform High School". Fuck.
The website
Now I hadn't visited MSF High in perhaps a year prior to writing this, but the hatred still burns! That should give you all a quick idea of just how much it is the worst thing. Last time I visited it, their website had a sort of bizarro notebook-looking webdesign, that stretched horizontally off my screen. As bad as that design was, what it is now is far worse. Which is great! Rather like a poisonous frog will be brightly coloured to warn predators away, MSF High's website is a tremendous eyesore that seems to be specifically designed to scare away people with half a brain and working eyebones.
Good grief, it's going to take me near as long to describe what's wrong with the website as it might to lampoon a comic! Let's see, let's see... If you can't tell what is wrong with this eye-mauling design, I truly pity you. The dark red background matched up with black text just works perfectly, if the intent is to make all newsposts unreadable. And I'm sure you all love having to scroll past at least a screen's height just to see the comic itself. Come on now, people. What do you come to a webcomic website for? The webcomic. So what should be prominently displayed on the main page as soon as it is loaded? Now now, it's not hard. And honestly, that whole colour scheme, maroon, blue and pink, with extremely wide-stroked text for link buttons (that extend for more than one line on 1024x768 resolutions, might I add?), looks like it might have been designed by a retarded chimpanzee possessed by a lesser demon whose infernal goal is to blind and enrage mankind.
Just looking at that first ~600 pixels that make up my entire browser window when the webpage is loaded certainly stokes my hatred for this comic. We've got our extremely blurry and nigh-unrecognisable (but still quite obviously animu) characters leaning against an ugly, gradient-filled shitstop of a font. Then we've got a "donation war" image - not that I personally can read what is going on in that picture, I've just seen enough money-grabbing among webcomic "artists" to know a skeezey scheme when I see one - with a lovely default blue link border. PROTIP: it's a img {border:none} , people. God, I'm this worked up and we aren't even to the title image. It's a good sign! Taking a quick look at the source for this page shows... ayup, these gigantic fucking failures can't even code a website. Look ma, no CSS! Mm, don't you love it? We, along with the World Wide Web Consortium, will certainly be going back for a look at that later.
Anyway, for the moment, let's move our gaze down to the title image of the comic. Much larger than it needs to be, and nothing screams "I just got Photoshop!" like beveled and embossed font, complete with a drop shadow. And I ain't even touching the weeaboo Japanese text under the title, except to translate it for you. It says "THIS WEBCOMIC IS THE WORST THING ~desu". I'm telling ya, it all goes back to the poisonous frogs. And directly underneath? Another grab for money! And once again in the default blue link colour. I'm telling you, Mr. MSF High webmaster, please, just learn CSS and colour theory.
Before I move on, you wanna see some funny shit? It's our good ol' buddy, the w3c html validation service! What's that you say, Mr. Validator? 60 errors? Why that's better than I thought they'd do! Now for the real fun though. Anybody who's made a website before will have noticed that MSF High has no useful alt code for any of their images, despite using images for navigation. Of course, blind people wouldn't be looking at a webcomic, so perhaps web accessibility is not a big deal in this case (insert witticism about how people looking at MSF High are bound to go blind so it is in fact, important). Hmm, what's that, Mr. W3c? You say that, in some countries, it is illegal to have a website so inaccessible? And somebody got sued $20,000 for it? Intriguing.
The comic
Aaaah. Enough of that technical shit - finally we're at the comic itself. After the sheer repulsive charm of the website itself, the comic is deceptively harmless-looking. Well, of course that is dependent on which comic you're lucky enough to hit at the mainpage. While we're still close to the technical mumbo-jumbo, I invite you all to hover your mouse over the comic image and behold its alternate text. Now, alt text for an image is an accessibility tool used to describe what is in the image, for blind people. "Wraith" the writer, "Aakashi" the 'artist' and whatever fool made the website, thought it might be a good place to put excessively long copyright details.
"MSF High Copyright 2005 Joseph Fanning and Allison Decker. Some character designs are copyright 2004-2005 Joseph Fanning and Adam Schlosser"
NO. NO. NO. Also FUCK YOU. Every idiot knows that shit goes at the bottom of your webpages, or on a separate document linked to from said webpages, or what-freaking-ever, but never ever ever ever... Shit, just don't put that in alt text. If you neeeeed it to be in your goddamned image tag for whatever fucked up reason you got, at least put it in the longdesc tag, you fucking failure. LEARN SOME FUCKING HTML BEFORE YOU START A FUCKING WEBPAGE. FUCK. /nerdy rant
Okay. MOVING ON. Let's start at the beginning, shall we? And what the Christ is this? Wraith decided that the best way to begin his new webcomic venture would be to have Aakashi draw a picture of some sort of furry leaning against some sort of vending machine. Fantastic. Horrible perspective on ridiculously simple objects and wonky furry ears really suck me in to the world of a comic. And there's more of that fucking bold-stroked text. Read this, faggots. It looks awful, it has always looked awful, how can you not see that. Christ. Let's just hit the next fucking button and get on with this. Oh, what's that? Another filler? Good game, Wraith and Aakashi. I should have thought every sucker on the Internet knew that fillers are no way to start a webcomic. C'mon, Wraith, this shit ain't even your first one. Ugh.
Anywho, some weeks later, the comic finally starts, with what looks like something created by scanning in crap from a baby who's been fed nothing but food dye for a week. Oh, and Photoshop filters, always with the Photoshop filters. I'd say taking so long to start this comic would've driven away fans, but actually, this comic was created in an enormous dramastorm, so normal rules don't apply. That's something we'll have to go into later. For now, ohgod the colour scheme. At least no characters have opened their eyes so far.
You see, that's something special about Aakashi's deviantart-esque shitstains of weeaboo. It's those eyes. Those. Goddamn. Eyes. It's like some greasy fat fucker grabbed a triangle (with the ridiculously bold outline as is necessary for MSF High) and beat it with a stick of animu until it turned into whatever the hell it is now. I dunno about you sad bitches, but this shit pisses me off. A lot. Just that shape, it enrages me. It's pretty fucking funny to see it in plush toy form though.
Oh and for those real sadists out there, here's Aakashi's self-insert MSF High character. WARNING: NSFW, contains furry boobies. Also contains what may possibly be the most wonky and out-of-proportion animu face in existence.
I dunno what it is about all these shitty animu artists, but they really do seem to scoop up their inspiration from the bottom of the barrel. Read this, Aakashi, because this shit is from me to you. I know you don't like any form of criticism at all. In fact, I've seen you state it publicly on the frontpage of your old deviantart page. But listen, you untalented hack, you need some hell-fucking-hard jarring to get you out of the artistic hole you've happily dug for yourself. Shitty fucking cheap animu ripoff is not an artistic style. Learn to draw. Wraith and the rest of those retards that flock around MSF High might worship the ground on which your artistic pencil rests, but they don't know shit. I know shit. And honey, what you're drawing, it's shit. Eyes are not meant to look like that. Chins are not meant to look even remotely like that. Noses are ideally not the perfect shape and size to use as an ear-piercing instrument. And people in profile, even horribly deformed furry-like people, do not have little flaps in front of their mouths when they speak". And for Christ's sake, learn to properly convey action. Reaaaallly.
Now Wraith, don't think you're getting off free from this little endeavour just because you didn't draw shit for this comic. Good writing can save bad art. It's just a pity that good writing is not what you have. What you have is shit writing. I've been reading through your lovely little webcomic, taking the necessary little breaks so that I can clean the blood that's shot out of my eyes and all over my monitor, and yet I have entirely no idea of what is going on. Now I know that your writing is so terrible that you felt you needed to explain entirely everything in one comic so as not to confuse new readers, but fuck you Wraith, you clearly don't have any idea what you're doing with this comic, and as a result, neither does anybody else. Except for the obligatory extremely obsessed fans (oh Wraith, I noticed you have a little spambot problem with your forums. Anybody with half a brain could tell you to fix it by changing your fucking forums software to anything but PHPBB. Perhaps it's time you stopped hanging around with retards, then). And oh Wraith, I know that after your last comic you became quite enamored with the idea of having your self-insert character predominantly displayed in your work, but no. NO NO NO NO SELF-INSERT CHARACTERS. I know you're a hack writer but come on, man. You're cheapening the experience for everybody.
Don't just think MSF High is a shittily drawn weeaboo comic about god-knows-what magical hero highschool in outer space that happens to include Wraith's totally-not-a-mary-sue self-insert as a legendary figure. MSF High is much more than that. It's also yet another transformation fetish webcomic parading under the mask of PG-13. I'm onto you Wraith, you sick fuck. Let's just say it wasn't exactly hard to figure out you get off on this sort of thing when you have your self-insert character turned into a lady orc thing. Mm-hmm. You could at least try to keep that in your pants there, Wraith.
Wraith and Aakashi and whatever other sad fucks Wraith has convinced to help him in his quest to give the web the worst thing, just stop. You're not getting any better at what you're doing, in fact I'm certain you're getting worse. That's just depressing, considering what abysmal level you started at. For serious, you guys. Stop it. You are the worst thing.
The duhrama
Ah, but before I go, I did promise you people some duhuhuhrama, didn't I? Here's some shit so stale you won't even find it on Encyclopædia Dramatica. Heeere we go.
Waay back in the day, Wraith used to write his serious of shitty webcomics about the same magical hero outer space homoerotic school with his buddy Pip, and the comic was called "High School Changed Me". Needless to say, it was extremely ordinary. Now, what I believe happened, as there doesn't seem to be much dox about it now, is that Pip posted a newspost saying updates would be late one week. Wraith went batshit insane at this, threw an enormous shitfit about how everything was Pip's fault and why couldn't Pip throw aside whatever the fuck he was doing with his life and work on Wraith's shitty comic idea noowww wrrrrryyy.
Wraith posted a newspost calling Pip all kinds of things, and blocked Pip from posting to the website. He also posted an extremely one-sided account of what happened, about how Pip was crushing his dreams or something, and that there could possibly be legal issues and money issues because Pip was the webmaster and bitch bitch WHATEVA. It's fairly obvious that if Wraith wasn't such a dick, then he could still have his ickle webcomic about magical High School ghosts. Anyway, what happened was the fans rallied like a wave of stupid to Wraith's cause - which was calling Pip immature names - and Pip said "fuck this" and left to create his own crappy webcomic. In the shitstorm of drama that followed, Wraith managed to convince Aakashi to work with him on making a new comic, and thus MSF High was born.
Oh and apparently MSF High was almost entirely ripped from Magical Sailor Fuku.net, which certainly explains the name
the end
MSF High.
This is going to be a really fucking long review. Just thinking about these faggots boils my blood. We've got a lot to cover; Hideous website, hideous comic, and as a bonus, hilarious weeaboo dramarama!
Now apparently "MSF" stands for "Mahou no Seraa Fuku". Mmm-hmm. Now I'm no weeaboo, but I believe that roughly translates to "Magical Sailor Uniform". So the actual name of this comic is "Magical Sailor Uniform High School". Fuck.
The website
Now I hadn't visited MSF High in perhaps a year prior to writing this, but the hatred still burns! That should give you all a quick idea of just how much it is the worst thing. Last time I visited it, their website had a sort of bizarro notebook-looking webdesign, that stretched horizontally off my screen. As bad as that design was, what it is now is far worse. Which is great! Rather like a poisonous frog will be brightly coloured to warn predators away, MSF High's website is a tremendous eyesore that seems to be specifically designed to scare away people with half a brain and working eyebones.
Good grief, it's going to take me near as long to describe what's wrong with the website as it might to lampoon a comic! Let's see, let's see... If you can't tell what is wrong with this eye-mauling design, I truly pity you. The dark red background matched up with black text just works perfectly, if the intent is to make all newsposts unreadable. And I'm sure you all love having to scroll past at least a screen's height just to see the comic itself. Come on now, people. What do you come to a webcomic website for? The webcomic. So what should be prominently displayed on the main page as soon as it is loaded? Now now, it's not hard. And honestly, that whole colour scheme, maroon, blue and pink, with extremely wide-stroked text for link buttons (that extend for more than one line on 1024x768 resolutions, might I add?), looks like it might have been designed by a retarded chimpanzee possessed by a lesser demon whose infernal goal is to blind and enrage mankind.
Just looking at that first ~600 pixels that make up my entire browser window when the webpage is loaded certainly stokes my hatred for this comic. We've got our extremely blurry and nigh-unrecognisable (but still quite obviously animu) characters leaning against an ugly, gradient-filled shitstop of a font. Then we've got a "donation war" image - not that I personally can read what is going on in that picture, I've just seen enough money-grabbing among webcomic "artists" to know a skeezey scheme when I see one - with a lovely default blue link border. PROTIP: it's a img {border:none} , people. God, I'm this worked up and we aren't even to the title image. It's a good sign! Taking a quick look at the source for this page shows... ayup, these gigantic fucking failures can't even code a website. Look ma, no CSS! Mm, don't you love it? We, along with the World Wide Web Consortium, will certainly be going back for a look at that later.
Anyway, for the moment, let's move our gaze down to the title image of the comic. Much larger than it needs to be, and nothing screams "I just got Photoshop!" like beveled and embossed font, complete with a drop shadow. And I ain't even touching the weeaboo Japanese text under the title, except to translate it for you. It says "THIS WEBCOMIC IS THE WORST THING ~desu". I'm telling ya, it all goes back to the poisonous frogs. And directly underneath? Another grab for money! And once again in the default blue link colour. I'm telling you, Mr. MSF High webmaster, please, just learn CSS and colour theory.
Before I move on, you wanna see some funny shit? It's our good ol' buddy, the w3c html validation service! What's that you say, Mr. Validator? 60 errors? Why that's better than I thought they'd do! Now for the real fun though. Anybody who's made a website before will have noticed that MSF High has no useful alt code for any of their images, despite using images for navigation. Of course, blind people wouldn't be looking at a webcomic, so perhaps web accessibility is not a big deal in this case (insert witticism about how people looking at MSF High are bound to go blind so it is in fact, important). Hmm, what's that, Mr. W3c? You say that, in some countries, it is illegal to have a website so inaccessible? And somebody got sued $20,000 for it? Intriguing.
The comic
Aaaah. Enough of that technical shit - finally we're at the comic itself. After the sheer repulsive charm of the website itself, the comic is deceptively harmless-looking. Well, of course that is dependent on which comic you're lucky enough to hit at the mainpage. While we're still close to the technical mumbo-jumbo, I invite you all to hover your mouse over the comic image and behold its alternate text. Now, alt text for an image is an accessibility tool used to describe what is in the image, for blind people. "Wraith" the writer, "Aakashi" the 'artist' and whatever fool made the website, thought it might be a good place to put excessively long copyright details.
"MSF High Copyright 2005 Joseph Fanning and Allison Decker. Some character designs are copyright 2004-2005 Joseph Fanning and Adam Schlosser"
NO. NO. NO. Also FUCK YOU. Every idiot knows that shit goes at the bottom of your webpages, or on a separate document linked to from said webpages, or what-freaking-ever, but never ever ever ever... Shit, just don't put that in alt text. If you neeeeed it to be in your goddamned image tag for whatever fucked up reason you got, at least put it in the longdesc tag, you fucking failure. LEARN SOME FUCKING HTML BEFORE YOU START A FUCKING WEBPAGE. FUCK. /nerdy rant
Okay. MOVING ON. Let's start at the beginning, shall we? And what the Christ is this? Wraith decided that the best way to begin his new webcomic venture would be to have Aakashi draw a picture of some sort of furry leaning against some sort of vending machine. Fantastic. Horrible perspective on ridiculously simple objects and wonky furry ears really suck me in to the world of a comic. And there's more of that fucking bold-stroked text. Read this, faggots. It looks awful, it has always looked awful, how can you not see that. Christ. Let's just hit the next fucking button and get on with this. Oh, what's that? Another filler? Good game, Wraith and Aakashi. I should have thought every sucker on the Internet knew that fillers are no way to start a webcomic. C'mon, Wraith, this shit ain't even your first one. Ugh.
Anywho, some weeks later, the comic finally starts, with what looks like something created by scanning in crap from a baby who's been fed nothing but food dye for a week. Oh, and Photoshop filters, always with the Photoshop filters. I'd say taking so long to start this comic would've driven away fans, but actually, this comic was created in an enormous dramastorm, so normal rules don't apply. That's something we'll have to go into later. For now, ohgod the colour scheme. At least no characters have opened their eyes so far.
You see, that's something special about Aakashi's deviantart-esque shitstains of weeaboo. It's those eyes. Those. Goddamn. Eyes. It's like some greasy fat fucker grabbed a triangle (with the ridiculously bold outline as is necessary for MSF High) and beat it with a stick of animu until it turned into whatever the hell it is now. I dunno about you sad bitches, but this shit pisses me off. A lot. Just that shape, it enrages me. It's pretty fucking funny to see it in plush toy form though.
Oh and for those real sadists out there, here's Aakashi's self-insert MSF High character. WARNING: NSFW, contains furry boobies. Also contains what may possibly be the most wonky and out-of-proportion animu face in existence.
I dunno what it is about all these shitty animu artists, but they really do seem to scoop up their inspiration from the bottom of the barrel. Read this, Aakashi, because this shit is from me to you. I know you don't like any form of criticism at all. In fact, I've seen you state it publicly on the frontpage of your old deviantart page. But listen, you untalented hack, you need some hell-fucking-hard jarring to get you out of the artistic hole you've happily dug for yourself. Shitty fucking cheap animu ripoff is not an artistic style. Learn to draw. Wraith and the rest of those retards that flock around MSF High might worship the ground on which your artistic pencil rests, but they don't know shit. I know shit. And honey, what you're drawing, it's shit. Eyes are not meant to look like that. Chins are not meant to look even remotely like that. Noses are ideally not the perfect shape and size to use as an ear-piercing instrument. And people in profile, even horribly deformed furry-like people, do not have little flaps in front of their mouths when they speak". And for Christ's sake, learn to properly convey action. Reaaaallly.
Now Wraith, don't think you're getting off free from this little endeavour just because you didn't draw shit for this comic. Good writing can save bad art. It's just a pity that good writing is not what you have. What you have is shit writing. I've been reading through your lovely little webcomic, taking the necessary little breaks so that I can clean the blood that's shot out of my eyes and all over my monitor, and yet I have entirely no idea of what is going on. Now I know that your writing is so terrible that you felt you needed to explain entirely everything in one comic so as not to confuse new readers, but fuck you Wraith, you clearly don't have any idea what you're doing with this comic, and as a result, neither does anybody else. Except for the obligatory extremely obsessed fans (oh Wraith, I noticed you have a little spambot problem with your forums. Anybody with half a brain could tell you to fix it by changing your fucking forums software to anything but PHPBB. Perhaps it's time you stopped hanging around with retards, then). And oh Wraith, I know that after your last comic you became quite enamored with the idea of having your self-insert character predominantly displayed in your work, but no. NO NO NO NO SELF-INSERT CHARACTERS. I know you're a hack writer but come on, man. You're cheapening the experience for everybody.
Don't just think MSF High is a shittily drawn weeaboo comic about god-knows-what magical hero highschool in outer space that happens to include Wraith's totally-not-a-mary-sue self-insert as a legendary figure. MSF High is much more than that. It's also yet another transformation fetish webcomic parading under the mask of PG-13. I'm onto you Wraith, you sick fuck. Let's just say it wasn't exactly hard to figure out you get off on this sort of thing when you have your self-insert character turned into a lady orc thing. Mm-hmm. You could at least try to keep that in your pants there, Wraith.
Wraith and Aakashi and whatever other sad fucks Wraith has convinced to help him in his quest to give the web the worst thing, just stop. You're not getting any better at what you're doing, in fact I'm certain you're getting worse. That's just depressing, considering what abysmal level you started at. For serious, you guys. Stop it. You are the worst thing.
The duhrama
Ah, but before I go, I did promise you people some duhuhuhrama, didn't I? Here's some shit so stale you won't even find it on Encyclopædia Dramatica. Heeere we go.
Waay back in the day, Wraith used to write his serious of shitty webcomics about the same magical hero outer space homoerotic school with his buddy Pip, and the comic was called "High School Changed Me". Needless to say, it was extremely ordinary. Now, what I believe happened, as there doesn't seem to be much dox about it now, is that Pip posted a newspost saying updates would be late one week. Wraith went batshit insane at this, threw an enormous shitfit about how everything was Pip's fault and why couldn't Pip throw aside whatever the fuck he was doing with his life and work on Wraith's shitty comic idea noowww wrrrrryyy.
Wraith posted a newspost calling Pip all kinds of things, and blocked Pip from posting to the website. He also posted an extremely one-sided account of what happened, about how Pip was crushing his dreams or something, and that there could possibly be legal issues and money issues because Pip was the webmaster and bitch bitch WHATEVA. It's fairly obvious that if Wraith wasn't such a dick, then he could still have his ickle webcomic about magical High School ghosts. Anyway, what happened was the fans rallied like a wave of stupid to Wraith's cause - which was calling Pip immature names - and Pip said "fuck this" and left to create his own crappy webcomic. In the shitstorm of drama that followed, Wraith managed to convince Aakashi to work with him on making a new comic, and thus MSF High was born.
Oh and apparently MSF High was almost entirely ripped from Magical Sailor Fuku.net, which certainly explains the name
the end
A Boring Introduction
When John Sololame (yes, I went there) and his buddies first started their blog, "Your Webcomic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad", it opened the floodgates, so to speak. As he stated in some words I am far too lazy to look up, webcomics just don't receive the critique they really need. To use a tired and somewhat painful meme, webcomics exist in a culture of nice. A circlejerk, if you will. All of these webcomic authors and their fans go pussyfooting around saying nothing but kind words about their colleagues' work, and everybody lives in their own little world where they don't have terrible webcomics that are a hideous mole on the face of the Internet. Well guess what? It ain't true. There are so many webcomics out there that are quite simply the worst thing. They are so agonizing to look at, let alone read, that the mind boggles. Their authors often don't realise this. It's quite insane.
But people need to say, this shit stinks. Of course, when one does, the screaming disarray of webcomic fans, some as hideous a visage as the comic to which they attach to, are all to quick to raise the strangled cry "Kill the beast!". Mmm, Disney movies.
So here I stand, ready to let all y'all know exactly what I think about your fucking webcomics. Yes, some of it may be construed as a constructive critique, something of which I am quite fond of but the webcomic industry shuns as a vampire shuns light. But no, most of what I will say will be too wrapped up in (objective) angry hatred for your webcomic for you to stomach it at all.
Anywho, sit back, relax, or get your e-smiting fingers ready. I'm ready to tell you exactly why your webcomic is the worst thing.
But people need to say, this shit stinks. Of course, when one does, the screaming disarray of webcomic fans, some as hideous a visage as the comic to which they attach to, are all to quick to raise the strangled cry "Kill the beast!". Mmm, Disney movies.
So here I stand, ready to let all y'all know exactly what I think about your fucking webcomics. Yes, some of it may be construed as a constructive critique, something of which I am quite fond of but the webcomic industry shuns as a vampire shuns light. But no, most of what I will say will be too wrapped up in (objective) angry hatred for your webcomic for you to stomach it at all.
Anywho, sit back, relax, or get your e-smiting fingers ready. I'm ready to tell you exactly why your webcomic is the worst thing.
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